Truth over Harmony

In the past few years the expression "Truth over Harmony" has become my parenting mantra. I would like to say that I came up with this idea on my own. However, it is something I have learned from a first-rate book on creating a character culture within one's family called, The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have. The authors, Malcolm and Laura Gauld, have devised a list of Ten Priorities to help parents do their job. Truth Over Harmony is number one.

The concept of Truth over Harmony is simple. It espouses the notion that most families pick harmony over truth. In an effort to maintain civility and avoid conflict, family members are not honest with one another. How many times have you let things slide in order to keep the peace? How often have you done something for your child instead of asking them to do it because it would prevent an unpleasant confrontation. I know I used to do that all the time. The problem is that in choosing harmony we are also choosing dishonesty.

For the conflict-avoidant this is a difficult mindset to embrace, but I assure you that in the long run the dividends are huge.